Deidre DeFelice

How often on a day to day basis do you wish time would stand still and how often are you wanting it to hurry up and pass? The truth is, we all have a love/hate relationship with time. The magical part is that we never know when “the right time” for anything will be, and the mystery of that is what makes life so exciting.

Although it always moves at the same exact speed, time seemed to fly by this past year and I’ve recently been hit with the crazy realization of how much really can happen in just one short year.

For those of you who have been on this blogging journey with me since I launched it in April of 2016, you have been with me through one of the most transformational years of my life. When I started to share my writing, I obviously had no idea that this past year would be so significant.

Looking back on previous posts I had published made me realize that I not only shared with you my first time falling in love, but my first real heartbreak (and getting over it), entering a new decade and then learning countless things from all of it.

One year ago, there’s not a chance in hell I would have thought my life would be where it is today. And that is what is so incredible about that little thing called time. Nothing ever stays the same and just like that, everything can change. Now don’t get me wrong, time isn’t always on our side. It can be a bitch, but only if you allow it to be.

Let’s say you’re dating someone who is unable to fully commit. It’s not because it’s the wrong time; it’s because you’re with the wrong person. Devoting more time to something or someone you’ve always been incredibly unsure about isn’t going to solve the problem.

If you’re always longing for something to change or waiting for the next big thing to happen, you’re becoming a slave to time. I’ve done it plenty of times and so have you. But sometimes we miss what’s happening in the present moment because we’re so busy wishing for what’s next.

During that whole heartbreak period, I would sit home and cry, listening to sad country songs while drinking wine and feeling sorry for myself because I was sure I’d be single forever. One year later and everything is the exact opposite. I listen to cheesy love songs (while drinking wine still obviously), daydream about my wedding and Google things like “Most Unique Honeymoon Destinations”. I realize the importance of that first heartbreak and I’ve learned to have more love than hate for that little thing called time.

When we want something to happen, we can’t force it to. We also can’t add any minutes to the day. Moral of the story? Enjoy your life exactly how it is today instead of spending each moment disappointed and waiting for the next big thing. I know, it’s easier said than done. But eventually you’ll realize why what’s happening right now is supposed to be. Time is uncontrollable and can be a bitch, but only if you allow it to be.

 

 

Ninety miles off the coast of Florida, you’ll find a country that is unlike any other, surrounded by the turquoise water of the Caribbean. It’s a place not many Americans have been, which is why I found myself intrigued to visit once the travel restrictions were temporarily lightened. Almost three months ago, while on a first date with my now boyfriend Jordan, we planned a trip to Cuba. On our third date we booked our flights and exactly one week ago we returned from an eye-opening adventure, feeling grateful for the life we live in America and concerned for the people of Cuba and the way they are forced to live.

We wanted to experience Havana in more ways than a typical tourist would by adding some local flair to our trip, so we chose to stay in an Airbnb located in a residential neighborhood right outside of the hustle and bustle of Old Havana. We were blessed with two lovely and gracious hosts, Randy and Claudia, who live just two doors down from their rental and quickly became our new Cuban friends.

Although our trip began with a two hour wait for our bags at the airport, we tried to stay positive. (Okay, Jordan stayed positive. I was hot and thirsty and whining. HA!) Randy and Claudia were outside waiting for us and still managed to greet us with big smiles when we finally made it outside with our luggage. Jordan grabbed a beer for the car ride (at the hefty price of $1) and our moods were instantly lifted as we rode in the back seat of an old fashioned American car. The warm breeze was blowing through our hair and our wide eyes were jumping from one place to another, trying hard not to miss anything that was happening outside the window.

Our first day was spent exploring Havana with Randy and Claudia. They took us on the city bus, taught us the proper hand motions to successfully hail a cab, and showed us all over their city until we were too tired to stay out any longer.

I fall in love with every new city I meet, and Havana was no exception.

One of the strangest things about Cuba (besides no cell service and being unable to use credit cards) was the fact that they don’t have toilet paper in public restrooms. It’s so hard for Cuban people to get many things to their country, even simple things like toilet paper, sunscreen and Advil that we might take for granted. So yes, I walked around with a roll of toilet paper in my purse the entire trip. But I also had a drink in my hand at all times, so YOLO.

On day two we were on our own to navigate around town, although Claudia was kind enough to arrange a car to pick us up so we could avoid having to hail a cab on our own. (Our lack of Spanish made it a little difficult to tell the drivers where to take us!) Once we made our way back into Old Havana, we found ourselves sitting outside at a little cafe, enjoying a cup of coffee and eating the only Cuban breakfast option we could find- toasted ham and cheese sandwiches.

A sweet old man was serenading us on his accordion as little kids skipped by in their school uniforms, smiling from ear to ear as they listened to the music. Although most Cubans live in poverty, there is a contagious amount of cheerfulness and joy around the city.

I suppose when you don’t know any different, you easily learn to love the life you have.

The rest of our day was spent exploring the streets of Old Havana, drinking mojitos and daiquiris in several different bars and restaurants, along with finding the best places to take photos. Drinks typically run from $1-$4. The most we payed for a daiquiri was $6, which is unheard of, but that was at the Floridita, which is where the daiquiri was invented and where Hemingway spent his days. Yes, it’s a tourist trap, but we had to do it!

 

An hour of day two was spent touring the city in the back of a pink 1948 Ford convertible as our sweet driver Ray showed us all the different neighborhoods and historical monuments. It might have ended up being one of the most fun days of my entire life so far.

The amazing thing about Cuba is that you can spend one day in the city and the next at the beach and feel as though you’re suddenly on a completely different vacation. On day three, we got up early and headed two hours east to the amazing beach town of Varadero. Luckily, we had Claudia to set us up with an amazing driver who actually had AC in his old fashioned car. We never felt more luxurious.

The clear turquoise water and white sand we found in Varadero was definitely worth the drive. There are beaches much closer, but we wanted to be sure we found the prettiest one we could. And I’d say we succeeded.

After a long day in the hot sun searching for buried treasures and taking more selfies than you can imagine, we found ourselves ready for a chill night in the neighborhood. It all started with me experiencing my first ever Cuban cigar on the patio of our apartment. I have to say, it wasn’t bad.

For dinner that night, Randy and Claudia insisted we try their favorite local restaurant, La Fondita Heredia. The shredded beef, rice and beans and fried plantains did not disappoint. If you want delicious food outside of the touristy area, this place was absolutely incredible.

On our last full day in Cuba, we couldn’t decide if we should go back to the beach or keep exploring the city so we split it up and did both. We stayed close by and visited a less glamorous but still beautiful beach about thirty minutes east of Havana called Playa Del Este. There’s nothing like a cooler full of beer, a bluetooth speaker, and crashing waves in the hot sun.

The second half of the day, we kept exploring the never ending city. Every block had something to see and the entire city was like one huge work of art. Although many buildings were crumbling, most were so beautiful to look at we couldn’t stop taking photos.

The bright colors and the friendly faces make you want to walk for hours getting lost in the culture.

We returned from Cuba last Thursday and on Friday Trump announced he was changing some of the new policies Obama had put in place when it comes to travel and trade between the US and Cuba. If you’re hoping to visit, you still can, but it won’t be as easy as it has been the past year or so. Click here to read all the details on Trump’s new travel policy, which should be official in the next couple months.

I’ll probably never find myself on a more eye-opening adventure as I travel to new places. Cuba will forever hold a special place in my heart because of this short time I spent making new friends, exploring the city and discovering what it’s like to be immersed in a completely different culture. My advice? If you get the chance to visit Cuba, take it. You won’t regret it.

Special thanks to my new favorite travel partner & extremely talented #InstagramHusband Jordan Heid for all of the incredible photos! 🙂

I’ve learned that when you’re the perpetually single girl, the people who love you tend to shower you with cheesy advice to try and keep you from being too disappointed by your relationship status. I’ve spent years hearing phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “guys are just intimidated by your beauty” and everything in between. As it turns out, over the past two months (while I’ve been on a brief hiatus from blogging) I’ve learned how much of that cheesy stuff is actually accurate. I can’t believe I’m admitting it, but here are the four pieces of cliché dating advice I’ve found to be true.

1. You’ll Find Love When You Least Expect It

The truth is, somewhere around the beginning of March I waved my white flag to dating in Nashville. I was done. I honestly couldn’t imagine going on another horrible first date so I deleted and unsubscribed from any type of online service I was a member of and I vowed to focus on myself. I gave up dating and I was completely okay with focusing that energy on other things, like writing a book and planning once in a lifetime adventures.

I had so much more free time when I stopped swiping on dating apps and making small talk with strangers. It was a great feeling to free myself from the stress of meeting someone. As it turns out, a few weeks later I met someone. It literally happened right when I stopped caring and didn’t expect it to happen. Go figure.

2. Wait For The Guy Who Pursues You

With all this women empowerment talk these days, you’ll find some people supporting the less old fashioned way of dating and encouraging a girl to make the first move if she wants to. Although I fully believe in saying how you feel and I’m all about girl power when it comes to certain things, there’s absolutely nothing better than knowing how interested a guy is in you. And if he is interested, he’ll make the first move. And he won’t stop pursuing you. It will be obvious how he feels and you’ll never be left wondering, which takes a huge amount of stress out of dating.

Remember a minute ago when I told you I met someone when I least expected it? He had also spent the past year reaching out every few months asking me to hang out and he didn’t give up until I finally said yes. Believe me when I say that waiting for the guy who pursues you is the best way to go.

3. You Need To Love Yourself Before Someone Else Can Love You

Imagine a time you were feeling insecure with your looks, doubting yourself, or unsure of what you really wanted out of life. These just aren’t the moments we find ourselves stumbling into a healthy, lifelong relationship. Do you have to have your life completely together in order to fall in love? Absolutely not. But I don’t care what you say, if you aren’t completely happy and secure with who you are as a single woman, you won’t be happy and secure with who you are in a relationship.

Meeting someone won’t fix all of your problems or help you figure out your dreams. Get that stuff sorted out first, love who you are, and it will be so much easier for someone else to love you as well. When I think back to a year ago, it’s so obvious to me why I didn’t end up in a lifelong relationship at that time. Not only have I learned a lot since then, I’ve also figured out exactly what’s important to me when it comes to a significant other, which leads to the last piece of cliché yet accurate dating advice.

4. Never Settle

If you remember reading this post I wrote last year, I reminded you to make a list of your top five non-negotiables and not settle for anything less. The second you start trying to change someone or try convincing yourself he’ll eventually turn into the guy you’re looking for is the first sign that he’s not the one for you. 

I’ve been the person who tried convincing myself I could change certain things about guys I have dated. One of the non-negotiables I have for my future husband is that he needs to be a Christian. Simply believing in God is not the same thing, although I’ve tried so many times to date people who didn’t possess the same beliefs and values I do. It never works. Waiting for the right one is better than settling for the wrong one, no matter how impatient you are.

So next time someone who cares about you (it might be me) spits out a piece of cheesy dating advice, think about this post before you roll your eyes. When it comes to finding love, the old fashioned tips actually do tend to be true. After all, God has a plan (cliché, I know) so why would we try and create our own?