Deidre DeFelice

I’m not afraid to admit that I spent my entire twenties doing literally whatever the hell I wanted and I truly wouldn’t have it any other way. From girls nights to spontaneous trips to quiet nights in, I could make plans without having to worry about anyone but myself. It might sound selfish, but I personally think that’s exactly what that time in life is for. You figure out who you are, what you want and where you’re going. I dated plenty during that decade, but none of the guys were worth actually changing my lifestyle for.

I was thirty when I met my husband and at that point I was still existing as the typical single girl in Nashville,  planning adventures and hitting up happy hours with my girlfriends. Once I realized that this guy actually was worth making some changes for, I was stuck figuring out how to balance it all and let me tell you what- this was not an easy task. No matter what type of change might occur in your life, whether it be a new job, starting a side hustle, or suddenly finding yourself in a serious relationship, it’s easy to forget that just one change can affect many other areas in your life. Between God, my job, friendships, blogging, and finally meeting my now husband, there are a few things I learned about balancing it all.

1. You Can’t Please Everyone

This was a tough lesson for me to learn because I’ve always been the person who has a hard time saying no. It might be my slight FOMO problem, but mostly it’s because I take after my father and was born a people pleaser. Disappointing someone is like a knife in the heart to me, so you can imagine how I felt when I started turning down girls brunches, hiking trips and dinners. I always swore I would never be the person who ditched their friends as soon as they started dating someone and I made every effort not to do that, but I still had to say no to certain things in order to make enough time for my relationship. Seven of my closest girlfriends in Nashville are still single (and they are all major catches if you know a good single guy) so I really had to start doing some major weekly planning in order to still make time in my life for each of them. But when it comes down to it, you have to be okay with the fact that you can’t please everyone. It’s been the hardest thing for me to get used to when it comes to finding balance. Luckily, when you have friends who understand and see you trying, everyone eventually adjusts to the change.

2. Something Might Suffer For Awhile And That’s Okay

Usually when you experience any type of new and exciting life change, it suddenly becomes your first priority which means another area of your life might get put on the back burner. Guess what? That’s perfectly okay. It’s kind of like when you purchase a new jacket and it’s suddenly the only one you wear. Eventually, you remember how awesome your other five jackets are and you put each one back in rotation. When I first met Jordan, my extra time all went to him and I didn’t write a blog post for months. I was okay with it at the time, but eventually he started encouraging me to write more because he knew it was something I genuinely enjoyed. Once I started getting a little better at balancing everything, I started writing again and I couldn’t believe the amount of people who told me they were glad I was back to blogging. It made me feel amazing. (If you were one of those people, thank you for the kind words!) I didn’t give up what I loved, but I took a small break and because it’s important to me, it made it back in rotation. Sort of like my black leather jacket. 🙂

3. Adding An Extra Thirty Minutes To Your Morning Routine Does Wonders

I could easily be scrolling on Instagram for an hour and not realize that I just spent an hour of my day scrolling on Instagram. That is entirely too much time to devote to social media in one sitting. I am one of those people who is mostly attached to my phone and because of this, I have found myself wasting precious time in the middle of the day staring at my phone instead of doing something productive, like writing a blog post or catching up with an old friend. Do you have a bad habit of sleeping until the very second you need to be getting ready in the morning? Try waking up thirty minutes earlier than normal and doing something during that thirty minutes that you don’t want to spend free time later in your day doing, like scrolling on Instagram or reading a magazine. You might be thinking, “You want me to wake up early just to play on my phone?” The answer is yes. Every morning I give myself 20-30 minutes to drink coffee and scroll on Instagram. I get all caught up and then have more time during the day to be productive and not be tempted to sit on my phone during any free time I might have. I mean, let’s be serious I still do that sometimes, but adding thirty minutes to my morning routine was a game changer.

I am definitely not the master of balancing everything in life, but the past year has taught me how to maintain what is important to me while adjusting to a huge life change. With that big change has come plenty of little changes, but once you alter your routine for something major, the little stuff is a piece of cake. You got this.

 

I think it’s safe to say that most people partake in the act of dating for the same reason: to find the person you’re going to marry. It’s not an easy journey for most, but the thought of actually stumbling upon that one person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with makes the reoccurrence of awkward first dates somehow a little bit more bearable.

Living in a city full of young, ambitious 30-somethings, you might be surprised to learn how many of the men seem to have no desire to settle down. I’m sure Nashville isn’t the only place full of guys who don’t want to give up their “freedom” of doing literally whatever the hell they want, but it seems to be a common trait in men here.

I quickly realized how many guys are out there actively dating yet have no desire to actually get married anytime soon, if ever at all. But, wait. Didn’t we already agree that the point of dating is to find the person you’re going to marry? Call me old school, but that’s why I was out there dating and that’s the reason my single girlfriends are as well.

So why are there so many guys who never make it past the point of simply dating a girl? Many are successful, attractive, active, and seem like the perfect catch. But after awhile you notice that they are also selfish, lazy, and definitely not marriage material. These are the guys who date you because they want someone to show up to a party with. They date you to keep their parents from harassing them about being 36 and single. (If they’re even older than that, run far away.) They date you because you become comfortable, but they don’t want to marry you or they would freaking marry you.

If you’re dating that guy, please don’t go beating yourself up about it. Most of the time it’s hard to not date them because all the good qualities they possess may seem to outweigh the bad, but when it comes down to it- no one wants to be the 30-something year old girl who still doesn’t have a ring five years later. You can’t argue with me about that.

The truth is, the guys who are genuinely dating you because they see a future with you won’t be shy about it. They won’t be afraid to bring up the topic of marriage and they’ll be open about how they feel. They will respect you enough to not waste your time, and eventually finding this kind of guy is the reason you need to allow yourself to keep dating, even if your luck hasn’t always been the best.

I’m fully aware that my situation is pretty rare, so I don’t expect everyone else to meet the right person and get married to them over a period of seven short months. I know it usually takes longer than that. But our story is pretty simple. Once we realized we both wanted the same things, felt the same way about each other, and couldn’t imagine life with anyone else, there was no point in spending anymore time dating. I spent long enough waiting for the right person, so getting married to him was the obvious next step. He felt the same way, and continues to always make sure I know how much I’m loved.

If you’re in a relationship and find yourself constantly questioning if you’re wasting your time, you probably are. I’ve been there. If you’re single and getting sick of all the awkward first dates, don’t give up! I’ve been there as well. Either way, do yourself a favor and wait for the guy who doesn’t leave you wondering what’s next. He’ll be worth the wait, trust me.

I can’t exactly remember when in life I was suddenly so inclined to constantly go out of town, but as long as I can remember I have had the desire to see new places. Discovering a city or country I’ve not yet been to gives me a one-of-a-kind thrill, fueling some type of inner excitement that only comes from getting on a plane and landing in the unknown. Although I am blessed to make a great living doing what I love, I am not someone with a disposable income who can book flights left and right without hesitation. Traveling to new places on a budget takes time and research, but if you put the work in, you’ll open up plenty of new opportunities to see the world. And you don’t have to go broke doing it. I’m going to share with you my top three secrets to traveling on a budget. You’re welcome. 🙂

 

1. Subscribe To Scott’s Cheap Flights Immediately. 

If you’re anything like me, you probably have so many different places on your bucket list that you’re always down for an adventure to almost anywhere. If so, then you definitely need to sign up for emails from Scott’s Cheap Flights. A few times a week, you’ll receive an email alerting you of flight deals to different places all over the world. Just last week, they sent out an email about flights to all over Europe in the $400’s-$500’s roundtrip from 15 different major US cities. They let you know if baggage is included or if it’s an extra charge, they direct you exactly where to go to book it, and they tell you how long they think the fares will last. Another one alerted me that you could get to Hawaii for $374 roundtrip from a handful of different US cities. Those are just two examples of the dozens of emails I have gotten from them. Because of Scott’s Cheap Flights, I knew when to book our flights to Greece. I flew to Athens this past August with my best friend Cara and our flights were $675 round trip out of NYC, bags included. No, we don’t live in New York but this is why I save up my Southwest points… for times like these. I waited for a Southwest sale and secured my flights to and from New York without adding any extra money onto my cost of airfare. The only other flight we had to purchase was to and from the island of Santorini, but those were less than $100 each way.

 

 

 

2. Download the Hotel Tonight App.

I have to say, my husband gets all the credit for secret #2 because he is the one who introduced me to Hotel Tonight while we were planning our elopement trip to Northern California. If you’re brave enough to wing it when it comes to your hotel stays, this app will literally save you hundreds. The point of Hotel Tonight is to fill hotel rooms that would otherwise be left empty. You can book through them up to a week in advance, but the prices drop significantly when you book your room the same day. We used this in Napa, Santa Rosa and San Fransisco and each time waited until the day of to book a room. There were tons of last minute options and each hotel we chose was a 4 star property. When we were in San Fran, we stayed in a trendy little boutique hotel right in Union Square for $130/night. If you know anything about San Fransisco, you know nothing is cheap there so that was literally a steal. I have to say it was kind of nice not having to plan everything ahead of time. (PS: Use code DEDEFELICE to get $25 off your first Hotel Tonight booking! Download the app here to redeem!)

 

3. Use Google Flights For International Travel

If you follow me on Instagram, you probably already know that Jordan and I recently planned our delayed honeymoon trip for this upcoming April. We wanted to make sure we went places neither of us have been, and we weren’t about to settle for an average beach honeymoon trip. We both have the same sense of adventure and love to discover new places in all different climates. A few hours on Google Flights and a couple bottles of wine later, all of our flights were secured. We are going from Boston to Iceland to Norway to Switzerland to Spain, and then back to Boston and finally, back to Nashville. All of those flights (misc fees, taxes and baggage included) cost us $1,554 total for both of us combined. Yes, that’s less than $800 each and we’re visiting four new countries! We had no idea exactly where we wanted to go when we started doing research for this trip. Google Flights allows you to put in your departure date and city, then pull up a map of the world and view prices to all different major cities from the set departure city. This is how we mapped out the order and timeline of the countries we are visiting, by the price of a one-way flight from the previous destination. (That sounds confusing, but it’s super easy!) It took a lot of trial and error with a bunch of different destinations, but we finally agreed on all four countries and we couldn’t be more excited for this trip!!

 

I challenge you to pack your bags and visit at least one new country in 2018 because trust me when I say, traveling does something to you that no other life experience can and I don’t think anyone should miss out on that feeling. There is so much world out there to see, so let me be the proof you need to believe that you don’t have to be a millionaire to see it. Now go make sure your passport is up to date, and don’t hesitate to email me if you have any questions about any of the secrets I’ve shared!