I’ve learned that when you’re the perpetually single girl, the people who love you tend to shower you with cheesy advice to try and keep you from being too disappointed by your relationship status. I’ve spent years hearing phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “guys are just intimidated by your beauty” and everything in between. As it turns out, over the past two months (while I’ve been on a brief hiatus from blogging) I’ve learned how much of that cheesy stuff is actually accurate. I can’t believe I’m admitting it, but here are the four pieces of cliché dating advice I’ve found to be true.
1. You’ll Find Love When You Least Expect It
The truth is, somewhere around the beginning of March I waved my white flag to dating in Nashville. I was done. I honestly couldn’t imagine going on another horrible first date so I deleted and unsubscribed from any type of online service I was a member of and I vowed to focus on myself. I gave up dating and I was completely okay with focusing that energy on other things, like writing a book and planning once in a lifetime adventures.
I had so much more free time when I stopped swiping on dating apps and making small talk with strangers. It was a great feeling to free myself from the stress of meeting someone. As it turns out, a few weeks later I met someone. It literally happened right when I stopped caring and didn’t expect it to happen. Go figure.
2. Wait For The Guy Who Pursues You
With all this women empowerment talk these days, you’ll find some people supporting the less old fashioned way of dating and encouraging a girl to make the first move if she wants to. Although I fully believe in saying how you feel and I’m all about girl power when it comes to certain things, there’s absolutely nothing better than knowing how interested a guy is in you. And if he is interested, he’ll make the first move. And he won’t stop pursuing you. It will be obvious how he feels and you’ll never be left wondering, which takes a huge amount of stress out of dating.
Remember a minute ago when I told you I met someone when I least expected it? He had also spent the past year reaching out every few months asking me to hang out and he didn’t give up until I finally said yes. Believe me when I say that waiting for the guy who pursues you is the best way to go.
3. You Need To Love Yourself Before Someone Else Can Love You
Imagine a time you were feeling insecure with your looks, doubting yourself, or unsure of what you really wanted out of life. These just aren’t the moments we find ourselves stumbling into a healthy, lifelong relationship. Do you have to have your life completely together in order to fall in love? Absolutely not. But I don’t care what you say, if you aren’t completely happy and secure with who you are as a single woman, you won’t be happy and secure with who you are in a relationship.
Meeting someone won’t fix all of your problems or help you figure out your dreams. Get that stuff sorted out first, love who you are, and it will be so much easier for someone else to love you as well. When I think back to a year ago, it’s so obvious to me why I didn’t end up in a lifelong relationship at that time. Not only have I learned a lot since then, I’ve also figured out exactly what’s important to me when it comes to a significant other, which leads to the last piece of cliché yet accurate dating advice.
4. Never Settle
If you remember reading this post I wrote last year, I reminded you to make a list of your top five non-negotiables and not settle for anything less. The second you start trying to change someone or try convincing yourself he’ll eventually turn into the guy you’re looking for is the first sign that he’s not the one for you.
I’ve been the person who tried convincing myself I could change certain things about guys I have dated. One of the non-negotiables I have for my future husband is that he needs to be a Christian. Simply believing in God is not the same thing, although I’ve tried so many times to date people who didn’t possess the same beliefs and values I do. It never works. Waiting for the right one is better than settling for the wrong one, no matter how impatient you are.
So next time someone who cares about you (it might be me) spits out a piece of cheesy dating advice, think about this post before you roll your eyes. When it comes to finding love, the old fashioned tips actually do tend to be true. After all, God has a plan (cliché, I know) so why would we try and create our own?