As the perpetually single girl who is constantly going on dates and trying to figure out the male species, I’ve realized that any guy I have spent one-on-one time with in the past several years has been someone I’m on a date with. Why is this?
Because I have personally never believed that guys and girls can truly just be friends.
I have always been a girl’s girl. When I think about my wedding, I know I’ll have to have either 2 bridesmaids (just my sisters) or 12 (my sisters + all my closest friends.) The list of girls I consider “one of my best friends” is extremely long.
Think about everything it takes to emotionally maintain a healthy and strong friendship with your best girlfriends. Dinners, movie nights, sharing advice, constant phone calls and text messages, making them feel special on their birthday, encouraging and supporting them, and the list goes on. As girls, these are things we love and appreciate about our main squad.
So when it comest to male friendships, trust me when I say you don’t really have any.
Here are three scenarios which prove you’re confused about having actual guy friends.
1. The Male Co-Worker
This is someone whose company you enjoy throughout the workday and occasionally at a work function or event, like an office happy hour or Christmas party. You do have to communicate with this person quite often due to your job, but don’t get a male co-worker confused with having a guy friend. You probably don’t spend time with this person one-on-one outside of the office and if you do, one of you has feelings for the other (or just really wants to makeout) so you aren’t just friends. Moving on.
2. Your Friend’s Boyfriend
This is someone who you are always talking to in social settings because, well, they are constantly with your friend and you want to spend time with her. It might seem like he is your guy friend, but you can’t build a friendship with someone when it’s inappropriate to spend time with them one-on-one. So, he’s not your guy friend, but simply your friend’s boyfriend.
3. Your Ex
It’s a common scenario to try and convince people “we’re still friends” after a breakup. You may have had a drama-free ending to your relationship (which isn’t that likely) and be on good terms, but let’s be real. If you’re spending one-on-one time with your ex boyfriend, you can’t tell me that one of you doesn’t still have feelings for the other. And as soon as one of you starts to date someone else, it’s no longer appropriate to “be friends” and hang out. What kind of friendship has a time limit?! You might be on good terms with your ex, but don’t confuse that with actually just being friends.
Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s important to have guys in your life who give you advice and a solid male perspective. The three roles I listed above are great people to provide those things.
But if I find myself on a date with someone and the feelings aren’t there, am I really going to try and just be friends? Probably not.
I have enough of those and they happen to be an amazing group of supportive women who know and understand me. If I choose to spend my free time with a guy over my girlfriends, he better be my future husband, or at least have the potential to be one day down the road. Who has time for anything else?