When people ask me what my type is, I don’t have an answer. Some of my friends would quickly respond with, “Tall, long-ish hair, and not too skinny” or something along those lines. But I have literally dated all different types of guys because until you really get to know them, you won’t know if they will make the cut when it comes to your non-negotiables.
My point is, your list should not be all about appearance. Yes, physical attraction is important, but it doesn’t last a lifetime. We all get old and our best physical traits will fade away.
A guy who possesses all the qualities that you find important will eventually become the hottest guy in the room, to you.
And that’s what is important.
But the second you start trying to change someone or try convincing yourself he’ll eventually turn into the guy you’re looking for is the first sign that he’s not the one for you. My friend/client/surrogate Nashville mother Natasha recently gave me the best piece of advice that I have shared with so many of my girlfriends. She told me to remember that however a guy is while you’re dating them is how they’ll be when you marry them, times 1000. You might get annoyed by certain little quirks, but you’ll eventually learn to live with those things.
When it comes to personal traits, don’t convince yourself he’ll become any different than he is at this very moment.
Here are my top five non-negotiables and I refuse to settle for anything less than someone who possesses all of these qualities, even if it means living the single life for a little while longer. (It’s really not all that bad!)
1. A Faith In God
I’m not the least bit religious, so don’t get that confused with having a faith. I love Jesus and dirty martinis. I love church on Sunday but sometimes I sleep in because I had too much fun on Saturday night. The point is, I’m not perfect in this department and no one is. But if your faith is important to you, it will be impossible to build a life with someone who doesn’t have the same understanding for God. This is even more important when children are involved. (I’m convinced kids aren’t in my future, but if it happens, they’ll need to go to church in really cute outfits most Sundays. Obvi.)
2. Goals For The Future
There’s nothing I love more than supporting and encouraging someone to live their dream life. And if you have read my story, (which I can’t even believe got 1.3k shares on Thought Catalog!!) you’ll know that I haven’t had the easiest journey to get to where I am now, and I have so much more I am hoping to achieve in the near future. I also want to use my creative brain and encouraging traits to help the person I’m with get closer to achieving everything they are working toward. I have learned that I am just not attracted to guys who aren’t working toward at least one little dream or goal.
3. A Sense of Humor
To be honest, I crack myself up. I have a sarcastic wit that not everyone can appreciate, but if I’m going to spend my life with someone, I’m hoping we can constantly be making each other laugh. Yes, there is always a time and place to be serious, but for the most part I’d love to be laughing my way through life.
4. A Love For Travel And Adventure
One of the reasons I am most looking forward to meeting my husband is so I will always have someone to go on spontaneous adventures with. If you read my recent post on why experiences will always be better than things, you’ll know that I love nothing more than spending my extra money going out of town. If I am dating someone who doesn’t have an appreciation for travel and adventure, he won’t understand my wanderlust spirit. And I just can’t have that. Plus, my family lives far away and Christmas in Michigan is the prettiest. Fall and Summer are pretty great there, too. 🙂
5. Respect For My People
I have a crew, tribe, squad, or whatever you want to call it and I basically never have a break from my social life. These are the people I talk to pretty much daily, share my life with, include in my morning prayers, and so on. They do the same for me. If a guy doesn’t take it upon himself to get to know my people, prove he’s good for me and treat them with the utmost respect, it will just never work with me. I have the same expectation for whoever my best friends date.
If you’ve never really thought about it, do yourself a favor and make a list of your top five non-negotiables and why they are important to you. This will open your eyes to what you’re really looking for while you navigate through the wild world of dating.
Don’t waste your time with anyone who doesn’t possess the important qualities that you are looking for when it comes to spending your life with someone.
It’s so much better to be single than wishing you were.