As a girl who goes on many first dates, I find it hard not to get my hopes up. Obviously there are plenty of times when I spend the first hour of a date trying to think of a way to get out of there early, but sometimes I leave feeling hopeful and then I never hear from him again. This used to affect me so badly. The few days following the date, I’ll keep checking to make sure my ringer is on and find myself glancing down at my phone every few minutes.
But I’ve realized that the truth is, guys do what they want. So if he wanted to be texting me, he would be. If he’s not, then he doesn’t want to. There’s no reason to make myself believe anything else.
So instead of throwing myself a pity party every time I don’t hear from someone after what I swore was an amazing date, I’ve gotten into the habit of believing that God is just keeping me from being distracted from someone who isn’t the one for me. So instead of thinking up every scenario in my head of why he hasn’t texted me yet, I just assume he isn’t the one and thank God for keeping him from calling and distracting me from walking down the path to meeting the actual person I’m supposed to be with.
It’s hard not to make excuses for a guy’s behavior, especially when it comes to your friends. That’s where my truth-telling self always comes in handy. If one of my girlfriends is complaining about not hearing from a guy, I’m not going to temporarily make her feel better by saying, “Well maybe he’s super swamped at work this week and hasn’t even caught up on his personal messages. He’ll totally text you soon!” Because the truth is, he probably won’t or he already would have. Sending a text takes 2.5 seconds. Even a short and quick “Hope you’re having a great day!” would suffice. If he can’t manage that, it’s probably because he’s not thinking about you.
As girls, we love to feel special. It’s just the way we were created. But the more excuses we make for a guy’s disengaged behavior, the more we act like it’s okay for him not to pursue us. And guess what? You deserve to be pursued. If you make it too easy on him in the beginning, why would he continue to put effort in, years down the road? I don’t know about you, but even when I’m 65 years old, I want my husband to pursue me. Why? Because I have way more than one love language, so I hope whoever I marry is ready for all that. Ha!
But seriously. What you allow is what will continue. If you are okay allowing a guy to not put much effort in, that’s what you’re going to get as long as you’re in a relationship with them. But why would you allow that? Probably because you’re afraid they’ll leave if you have any higher expectations than what they seem capable of. And that’s a terrible reason to stay with someone. If you waste your time with guys like that, you won’t experience what it’s like to be truly pursued by a guy who knows and appreciates the incredible woman you are. If he doesn’t get that, he’s probably not the one for you.
I’ve made a goal not settle for any mediocre distractions. You should, too. If you don’t hear from him, don’t waste your time wishing you did.